I was born at 9:28 am 02 August 1945 to my parents the late Herbert J. and Winifred M. (McNamara) Moran at St. Elizabeth's hospital, Brighton, Massachusetts.  I am the only child -- hey -- when you have perfection in the first child, why try for second?  Don't ya just love the humility -- I get that from the McNamara side of the family!

In November 1950 my father ("Herbie") died of tuberculosis. He had been in a sanatorium for three (3) years and had five major operations.   My only recollection of him was one time that he was home I was awakened in the middle of the night -- maybe 2:00 or 3:00am.  I knew during the day that Mom would make him an egg nog to make him feel better -- so I headed out to the  kitchen.  I was maybe four years old at the time.  Now you have to picture the kitchen -- 1949 -- soapstone sink and all.  I was standing on a kitchen chair in order to reach the cabinets (and counter!)   I heard Mom's voice, "What are you doing?"  I simply replied that "I was making Daddy an egg nog."  I was assured that she would finish and sent me off to bed.  Mom then cleaned up my "production" -- including a whole quart of milk, a dozen eggs etc.  What she didn't realize at the time, and only discovered a few days later when she was baking a cake -- I had used the ENTER bottle of vanilla (and refilled the bottle with WATER!)  Suddenly the "cute" scene of a few nights before changed!!!

After Dad died my maternal Grandmother (Ellen (Kearney) McNamara) moved in with us.  My grandfather (Michael McNamara) had died in 1949.  I began school at Saint Columbkille's in Brighton.  I received Penance, First Communion and Confirmation at St. Columbkille's


St. Columbkille's Church
Brighton, Massachusetts


In my Sophomore year of High School my mother remarried Joseph J. Donovan and we moved to Natick, Massachusetts.  I transferred schools and continued my high school years at Marian High School, Framingham, Massachusetts, graduating in 1963.  From there I entered the seminary.

The first two years of Seminary (1963-65) were at Cardinal O'Connell (COC) Minor Seminary in Jamaica Plain, MA.  At the time the seminary properties were separate.  Every two years we would be in a new building, so every two years you were the "senior class."  At COC we learned the "old" system -- everything was "by the bell" which was referred to as "VOX DEI" -- or "Voice of God"and mostly in SILENCE.  A bell was rung in the morning to wake you.  The bell, by the way, sounds like a fire alarm!  You then had 20 minutes to wake and get yourself into chapel for morning Mass.  After Mass we filed to the Refectory (Dining Hall) for breakfast.  This was all in silence until the priest sitting at the faculty table ("on the mound") rang a bell at which time we could speak.  When he rang the bell a second time the dining hall fell silent and we filed to our rooms to prepare for class.  After morning classes we had approximately twenty minutes for "the Rosary."    We used to walk around the seminary grounds, beads in hand, to pray the rosary in small groups of 3 or 4.  We learned quickly that you could say a Rosary in 6 minutes flat, and then have the remaining fourteen minutes to "talk" BUT you had to keep your rosary beads in hand and in sight so that if any faculty member was watching he would think we are still praying!  Then it was into chapel for examination of conscience and the Angelus and then lunch.  Again in silence and the ringing of bells.

After COC came two years (1965-67) at St. John's Seminary Philosophy House on Foster Street, Brighton, Massachusetts.  Again, everything was "by the bell."  At the conclusion of Philosophy house we were granted a BA degree.  Then it was on to Theology House (1967-71) where we earned a Master's Degree in Theology.

The last year of Seminary is called "The Deaconate."  This is a period of time that we were placed in parishes as "interns."  As Deacons we can do everything a priest can do, with the exception of celebrating Mass and hearing confessions.    We were ordained Deacons at St. Columbkille's Church in May 1970. 


My Deacon assignment was at Sacred Heart Church on Cummins Highway, Roslindale, and was to run May 1970-May 1971.  It was a HUGE parish of over 4,500 families. 

Sacred Heart Church
Roslindale, MA

My pastor's words of advice to me were to get in my car and drive until I am lost -- that's the only way you will learn the streets of the parish!

The parish was staffed by the Pastor and four assistants,  There were two other priests who "lived in" -- they had other assignments (like chaplain to the Youth Detention Center, etc.) and lived in the Rectory.   One of the priests assigned to the parish was Anthony J. Laurano. 

Have you ever met someone and just knew immediately that you did not like the person?  That was my first "gut reaction" when I met Tony.  There was just something about him that was "creepy." 

Anthony J. Laurano
circa 1975

My work in the parish was primarily with the CYO (Catholic Youth Organization) -- these were the high school teens of the parish and the CYO was their "social outlet." 

Do you remember your old report cards?  On the back of mine there were blocks that needed to be checked off - including the "works well with others."  There was a bit of this "working well with others" going on in the Deacon assignments.  Basically we were fine tuning all that we learned in seminary and were getting ready to "hit the parishes" upon ordination.  Here's where the pressure starts to build!

One evening in August 1970 we were all at the diner table.  Meals were always "formal" and the Pastor carved and served the meat and veggies etc.  I happened to mention that I had no plans for my days off the following week.  That was a BIG mistake.  Laurano nearly jumped across the table inviting me to go with him to Connecticut to a convention of puppeteers.  As I hummed and hawed trying to avoid having to answer he went on to say that a teen from the parish was also going.  I believe the teen's name was Andy.  I felt safety in knowing there would be someone else on the trip and I would not be stuck alone with Laurano the entire time.

The following Monday we headed out.  The first night we stayed in the home of one of Laurano's relatives.  After dinner we were in the upstairs area where there were two bedrooms and a bathroom.   We were in one room drinking and playing cards.  Around 11:00pm Laurano announced that whoever won the last hand of cards would assign who slept in what room.  Laurano won and I was assigned to stay in the room where we were while he and Andy went to the other bedroom.

I was no sooner in bed and just about falling asleep when Laurano comes "bouncing" into the room like a kid let loose in a candy shop.  As I tried to sit up to see what he wanted he was on top of me, pulling the blankets down and pulling my clothes off.  I tried to fend him off, but he pinned my wrists to the bed and proceeded to perform oral sex on me.  In legal terms, he RAPED me.  Had I struggled any harder he would have fallen off the bed, landed on the floor with a THUD -- and then EVERYONE would come running in to see what happened.  I was embarrassed enough as it was, I didn't need any more witnesses.

The next morning (Tuesday) we headed to the conference.  That night we stayed at the home of friends of Laurano -- a Doctor and his wife.  Wednesday morning I awoke with a temperature of 101 degrees or better -- most likely from nerves.  I did not go to the conference but stayed in bed all day.  When Laurano and Andy returned home Laurano asked to speak with me out in the garden.  He proceeded to tell me that he had no remorse for what had happened the other night, that I had asked for it, and that he used to come into my room at night in the rectory to watch me sleep!  I was beyond words.  Not only was I raped, but my privacy was invaded etc. 

We returned to Sacred Heart Parish.  The following morning I entered the office of my priest supervisor, Richard G. Johnson.  I simply said, "Tony's gay!"  This picture of him is poor quality -- but he is of Swedish heritage with white hair and dark eyes -- he literally looked like a deer caught in headlights!  "How do you know?" he asked.  I then started getting nervous (and embarrassed) and simply said, "Trust me, I know."  I waited and waited, but nothing was ever said or done. 

From the night we returned back to the rectory I began sleeping with my desk chair propped under the doorknob.  The next day I searched the yellow pages telephone directory and called EVERY rape crisis center in the city of Boston.  No one would talk with me -- in 1970 there was a major push to protect women who were victims of rape - no one would listen to a man saying he was raped.

From the time I entered the seminary in September 1963 until now (August 1970) I went through a lot of soul searching.  Who am I?  Is God really calling me to be a priest?  Can I deal with this celibacy thing?  Am I worthy? etc.  Those seven years needed to be revisited, and all those questions re-asked in the following nine months prior to ordination.  I resolved that I was a bigger and better person than Laurano, and I went through with Ordination on May 15, 1971 at the Cathedral of the Holy Cross in Boston's South End.   I had planned my first Mass on a day I knew Laurano had the parish duty.  Darned if he didn't get a neighboring parish to cover for him and showed up.  My family knew that personality-wise I did not like him -- and my parents likewise had the same reaction.  We were, however, "cordial" toward him. 


       Holy Cross Cathedral
     Boston, Massachusetts

My first assignment was in Saint Patrick's Church (1971-73)  in Roxbury, MA.  Once in the parish I avoided Laurano  like the plague.  If I saw him at a clergy meeting I would be sure to sit on the opposite side of the auditorium, etc. 

St. Patrick's was followed by my assignment to St. Philip Neri Parish in Waban, MA (1973-79) and part time chaplain to the Newton Wellesley Hospital.  In or around 1974 the American Psychiatric Association came out with the finding that some one who was raped as a child (or vulnerable adult) COULD become an abuser themselves.  Now, I heard it differently, I heard that they WOULD become abusers.  There was no way I was going to let that happen.  I immediately started building walls around me -- super tall and super thick.  No way was anyone else going to get near me to hurt me, and if I was doomed to be an abuser I was going to make it damn near impossible for it to happen.  As a result I became a loner.  I began doubting priests and pulled away from them.  I no longer trusted my ability to judge other people.  My philosophy was that the little good that I could do would offset the evil done to me.  It was "God and Me" on the playing field.

Around 1976 I was at Saint Philip Neri Parish, Waban, Massachusetts when I returned from my two weeks training with the Navy Reserve Chaplain Corps.  I played back messages on my answering machine and heard Laurano's unique voice!  He announced that a certain parish was opening for "team ministry" and asked if I would be interested in becoming a "team" with him!  My jaw dropped.  I could not believe his audacity.  I had avoided him for YEARS and he didn't get it!  In today's terms, he was stalking me.  Needless to say I never returned his call! 

From St.Philip Neri I went to St. Brigid's in South Boston, Massachusetts (1979-86) and from there to the South Shore Hospital in South Weymouth, Massachusetts (1986-89.)  While assigned to the hospital I lived at St. Francis Xavier Parish in South Weymouth. 

All along the Archdiocese would announce priests could apply to serve the military as chaplains on active duty.  I would apply each time, but the rule of "seniority" was followed.  It was not until 1989 that I was allowed to leave Boston.  I served well and honorably at Marine Corps Air Station (MCAS) El Toro, CA (1989-91); MCAS Iwakuni, Japan (1991-93); Marine Corps Development and Command Center,  Quantico, VA (1993-96) and finally at Naval Air Statoin Key West, FL (1996-97.)  Just before I left Quantico my mother was taken ill.  She had ovarian cancer and went through a year of chemotherapy.  Unfortunately the chemo did not work, and she died in October 1996.

On April 1, 1997 the Executive Officer of the base in Key West called me to ask if I had put in for retirement without telling anyone?   I thought it was an April Fool's day joke and "played along" with him.  He wasn't kidding.  He double checked with Washington and sure enough, a Commander with 27 years service HAD to retire.  My retirement date was 1 July 1997.

I wrote to the Archdiocese of Boston to inform them and asked to be transferred to Washington DC.  Good ole Cardinal Law "ordered" me back to Boston and "ordered" me on a retreat with a retreat master that he has "good luck" with.  Was I being set up, or what?  I had already contacted Washington and learned that the chaplaincy at the Washington Hospital Center would be opening.  Law was concerned that after my mother's death I was making too drastic a change "under duress."  So I went to Boston as "ordered" and they placed me in a parish where my classmate was dying of cancer!  I went on the "ordered" retreat only to find that the Retreat Master was not there and no one had been assigned to work with me.  I began to explain to the Monk who answered the door as to why I was there and was told quite bluntly, "We KNOW why you're here!" 

I sat in the monastery room for four hours.  No one came near me.  No one even told me where the bathrooms were!  I finally decided I didn't need to stay there.  I left a check on the bed for the monastery for their "hospitality" and headed out.  The following Monday personnell called and I began to tell them I did not do the retreat.  I was told it didn't matter, the Cardinal had signed my papers anyway.  It was all a power play!

I began at the Washingon Hospital Center on 01 February 1998 (1998-2006.)  It's a LARGE hospital -- full capacity was over 900 beds -- we averaged 725-750 patients daily.  Now, to be long-term in chaplaincy in hospital work it is best if you are "certified."  To be certified you have to complete four units of CPE (Clinical Pastoral Education.)   Each unit is 400 hours of intense training, self-examination, peer group work and writing verbatims.  I completed the 1,600 hours in wo years.  Toward the end of CPE I experienced a flash back to the rape in 1970.  This was in the fall of 2001 (September to late October.)

In November 2001 I began counseling.  In December I notified my family of what had happened.  Until this time no one knew.  They were upset that I had not returned to Boston when I retired and were "confused," but now they understood and were and are still VERY supportive.  In January 2002 I notified the Archdiocese that I needed to meet with Cardinal Law.  I had resolved that it was no longer my probelm.  I needed to bring it back to the Archdiocese of Boston.  I was totally unaware of what was beginning to fester in Boston regarding clergy abuse!

When Law arrived in Boston in 1984 he told us that any priest who needed to meet with him would be seen within 24 hours -- even if it were at 11:00PM.  I requested in January 2002 -- and finally got to meet with him in May 2002 (5 months!) 

Prior to my meeting I sent seven pages by fax to his office to outline what I wanted to talk about. Two minutes into the meeting I knew I was talking to a brick wall.  He had no clue why I wanted to meet with him.  So, I opened up and told him the whole story.  In concluding I said that my biggest fear is that in not being able to stop Laurano in 1970 that he went on to hurt others. 

Law turned to his secretary, Rev. John Connolly, and said "Well, we'll have to talk with Tony," and then turned to me and said "and we'll pay for your counselling."  That's not what I NEEDED to hear -- I needed to hear "Im sorry," or "You did everything you should have and we let you down" or "You've been a good priest for all these years etc."  I received no validation.

Law also told me that this was the first and only accusaton against Laurano.  Later I learned this to be a lie.  I obtained a copy of the investigator's report -- in Laurano's file there were three letters, most likely written by two people, complaining about abuse.  These letters were dated in the early 1990's.

I continued on in hospital ministry.  I finished my CPE training and was certified on the first attempt.  A few years later as I was doing my daily rounds visiting patients etc.  I stopped in on this one young man's room.  After chit-chatting for a while I asked if he wanted to receive Communion.  I could see he got very nervous and fidgeted around trying to avoid answering.  I assured him that "no" is a valid answer to the question.  I was not giong to FORCE Communion on him if he didn't want to receive.  He proceeded to tell me that he was upset with the way the hierarchy had handled the sexual abuse crisis etc.  I told him I understood and for the first time I said, "because I am a victim of abuse as well."  He looked at me and then asked, "Then how can you still be a priest?"  That got me thinking.

With all the news reports from January 6, 2002 in Boston, to reports in New York, New Hampshire, Connecticut, Rhode Island, Chicago, Kentucky, Texas. California etc.  this was a far bigger problem.  My mantra of "doing a little good to offset the evil done to me" was no longer working.  There was WAY too much evil out there -- and it was being abetted by the hierarchy as they moved priests from parish to parish, diocese to diocese, state to state, and even country to country!  Bishops were fighting in courts to protect MONEY and not caring for the souls of those abused.  Millions of dollars were spent on their legal fees -- only to have them loose each case.  Then suddenly they come up with these "settlements."  These are not settlements -- they are bribe money to pay off victims so the bishops do not have to go to trial and tell the truth.

In the scriptures the concept of "apostleship" is spelled out.  When someone sends a messenger, the messenger in essence "becomes" the sender. So when the Bishop ordains a priest and "sends him forth to preach the Good News," we, in essence, "become" the bishop in that we stand for everything the bishop(s) say and do.  In conscience I could no longer do that.  Not after learning about Law, McCormack, Egan, George, Mahoney and Brown, etc.  I needed to "step aside" until the bishops could get their act together.

I knew that any phone calls I made to Law in Boston were very rarely returned.  And letters/faxes got lost.  Law resigned December 13, 2002 and was replced by then Archbishop Sean O'Malley who later was raised to the position of Cardinal.  I waited until all the bishops were in Washington, DC for their biennial meeting and I sent an eleven page fax to O'Malley at the HOTEL.    After two weeks I received a phone call from Bishop Richard Lennon inviting me to come up to Boston "to talk."    The drive to the airport, and the flight to Providence, and then the drive to Boston was nerve-racking.  I kept hearing all their arguments about why I should NOT retire etc.

In Lennon's office we chit-chatted for a few minutes, then we started in.  Lennon went through the fax and tried to be "humerous" about little points.  He saw I was not in a humerous mood.  Within ten minutes their offer was on the table: permanent medical disability based on chronic Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) and chronic depression, provided I supplied letters from my therapist and doctor.

The letter from the therapist was easy.  The doctor could not understand why they needed a letter from him.  I suggested he take all my medical issues and apply it to "stress" to see what happens.  Well, for the two year prior to this I had been battling cholesterol.  It was over 200 and NOTHING I did brought it down.  The doctor's letter ended with "working for the church was bad for my health."   After resigning myself to going out on the medical disability, my cholesterol dropped 38 points!  (It is now 138!)

Sometime in 2004  I heard that Laurano was being taken to court by a young man who was abused twice in the week before his First Communion in the early 1990's.  I went to Massachusetts and spoke with the District Attorney.  It was decided they could use me as a character referrence for "prior bad acts."  For this abuse Laurano was arrested in April 2005.  He was arrested a second time in April 2006 for abusing a mentally retarded man who lived near him between January and April 2006.  Laurano was EIGHTY-ONE YEARS OLD and still abusing!



Anthony J.Laurano awaiting court
 proceedings 2005


On Tuesday of Holy Week, in April 2006, I announced at the hospital chapel that I would be leaving 1 June for my medical disability.  (see the "Announcement" page for a copy of the letter and also the article that appeared in the Washington Post.)  Within 2 hours I had been reported to the hospital administration who notified the Archdiocese of  Washington. On Wednesday I was called and informed that Bishop Kevin Farrell had IMMEDIATELY pulled my faculties because my statements were "accusatory" and I was not permitted to minister in the Archdiocese.  Now they new I was a vicitm of abuse.  They never contacted me.  They did not contact the Archdiocese of Boston.  They just cold-heartedly cut the heart out of my chest.

Laurano was still living his life in a happy-go-lucky manner.  He was, however, laicized in March 2007.  He was informed at that time he could no longer present himself as a priest, could not wear the collar, could not celebrate Mass etc.  In May 2007 he was seen in his home town of Hull, Massachusetts doing his grocery shopping on a Thursday.  On Friday the court told him that the case was going to trial, that I would be testifying, and that two other victims who were FBI agents were also going to testify.  That was Friday -- he had a heart attack on Sunday and died.  His family listed him in the death notice as REVEREND Anthony.....and donations in Fr. Tony's name were to be sent to Children's Hospital.  I could not believe it.

Many peple think that Survivors/Victims are out to ruin the church.  That is far from the truth.  All victims ask for is justice.  The bishops yell and scream "forgiveness" -- but they forget that forgiveness also requires atonement/justice.  Victims are not granted justice.  The bishops do not understand the lifelong injury that is inflicted on a victim of clergy abuse.  All they are concerned about is the checkbook.